I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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