wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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