Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
