So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
