Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
