he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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