No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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