I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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