Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize