she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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