this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I supernannyed him into submission
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
