whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
