gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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