The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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