You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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