Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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