last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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