you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
