I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
