after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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