I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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