you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
