Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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