Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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