the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
