There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
