She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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