Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
