Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
