I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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