i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
