Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
