Got a toothbrush?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
