My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
