the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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