New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
