i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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