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the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
