I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
