apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
