this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
