Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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