11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
