The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
