O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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