we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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