I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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