So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
