idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
