I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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