Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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