Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
