i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
