I hope mine doesn't look like that
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
