It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
