my sisters under your porch take her home
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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