You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
