hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
