Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
