just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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