i will never coherently bang her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
