just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
