If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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