drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize