I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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