If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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