She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
