Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
