we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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