Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
