Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
