I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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